i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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