I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
