I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
