4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize