What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm always down for nudity.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
