The maid of honor just puked.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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