4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
