So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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