In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
