i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
