Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
