So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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