I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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