I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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