I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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