Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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