I want to make a zoo with you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
