found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
