we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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