Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
