So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
