Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize