you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
