omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
