I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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