I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
