so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
