Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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