i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
