Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
