Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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