i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
