Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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