I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
