Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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