Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
