textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
