He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
third nipple confirmed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
