I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
