Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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