I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
