so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
