I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize