the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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