no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
