i think my mom watched the whole time
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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