He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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