Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
