The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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