I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
