I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
