I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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