I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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