The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
