My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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