when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
