you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
