haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
