How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
third nipple confirmed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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