im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
