the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
