well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
