Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
