By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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