Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
