sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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