Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
